What Is The Theme Song To Your Life?

Ever found yourself listening to music but spending more time skipping through your playlist than actually listening? I'm sure most people do it and it's pretty obvious why - we're searching for music that matches our mood. Nothing sinister there but I was doing this recently when it got me thinking about how closely music is linked to our lives and how much it influences us. In particular I was interested in the correlation between music and our mood, attitude and general outlook on life. If we search for certain songs because of our mood then can those same songs create that specific mood in us at other times?

I believe so and there are plenty of examples of research that backs this up. I'm not going to list any here because there really is a lot of it and you just need to do some active research if you're interested. I don't want to prejudice you by only picking research that suits me. ;)

After doing all this research it reminded me about a question I was asked a few years ago:

What is the theme song to your life?

It's a great question and it got me thinking again…What is my life theme song and what does it say about me? And how does it influence me, my decisions, and my life as a whole?

My Life Theme Song(s)

What would I say is the theme song to my life? That's a very tough question to answer. I'm not sure if I have just one theme song.

At any given time I may have a particular song which would suit as the theme for my life in that specific moment but this changes from day to day, and even from minute to minute.

Having a single theme song for your entire life doesn't make sense because your life will take many twists and turns and no one song can cater for them all. But you can certainly have a theme song (or a theme playlist) that defines where you are in your life right now.

I find it hard to even limit that to a single song, or even a handful of songs. There are many songs I like, and listen to regularly, that could easily be a theme song for my current situation in life. It's hard to pick specific ones but I do notice some similarities. They generally have most, if not all, of the following qualities:

• Funky, "happy" beat
• Clever lyrics/witty wordplay
• Positive message
• Make me smile

So what do these shared characteristics say about me?

What My Song Choice Says About Me

If you said that, based on my music choice, I am a happy, clever, positive person who likes to smile then you would be right but you could also have determined that from reading the articles on this site so don't go patting yourself on your back just yet.

It's completely true - I listen to happy, clever, positive, smile-inducing music because that is the kind of person I am - but I think that is oversimplifying it. I think my music choice also says a lot more about me and my life. It shows where I am, attitude wise, and how I am orienting myself for the future.

My current position in life is a positive one. In fact the only negative in my life is that I still have to work a full time job when I totally disagree with the concept of working for the majority of our lives. But everything else in my life is great! I have a wonderful woman who is crazy enough to agree to marry me, fantastic friends, a nice house, my own software development business, and a loyal dog that loves me (even if he goes to toilet where ever he bloody wants to). All in all it is pretty positive.

My orientation to the future is also quite positive. I have much to look forward to and am already preparing myself for more positive changes in my life. I am excited by the prospect of quitting my job and becoming fully self reliant which removes the only negative in my life. But I am also looking forward to getting married (and having the honeymoon), traveling, building my business up, and a number of other exciting projects that I have in the works.

So it is obvious that my current position and my orientation toward the future are outlined by my music choice. I am building a life that is happy, clever, positive, and fun (i.e. makes me smile all the time). I am focused on this attitude so it makes sense that my music choices support this. I believe that if I were listening to negative songs then I would be less likely to achieve my goals and more likely to turn into a sad, depressed, bumbling mess of a person.

But that is not the path for me. I love being positive and I love my positive music. I also love that these aspects seem to feed off each other. When I am having a negative day I can listen to some positive music and suddenly I am perked up again, or when I am feeling positive I can hear the positives and find joy in songs I would not have otherwise noticed.

I listen to happy and positive music and I am a happy and positive person. Coincidence? I don't think so. So what sort of music do you listen to?

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to Build Self Confidence - Daily Comfort Challenges

Developing self confidence is the cornerstone of positive personal development but it can often be the most confusing aspect. How do you build self confidence when if you are traveling down the personal development path then you are obviously not 100% happy with yourself? I believe that most people who are actively seeking personal development are not necessarily trying to change themselves per se, but they are trying rediscover their natural personality state. They are trying to find the version of themselves that is the most congruent with what they feel inside. This is actually a very hard thing to achieve because there is so much bullshit and bluster generated in our society that confuses the issue and this is why learning to build your own self confidence is so important.

Which is why I was excited by the fact that my recent article on using affirmations to build self confidence struck a chord with some readers and has already generated some good comments. It is great to see other people who recognise the significance of being able to build a positive self image. With that in mind I thought I would continue this trend and talk about another trick I use to main my elevated self confidence: daily comfort challenges.

Daily Comfort Challenges

The concept of the daily comfort challenge is to set yourself a personal challenge every day that pushes you outside your comfort zone. It should force you to confront your simple social fears, which are often unfounded, and do things you would never normally consider. The confidence you generate from pushing yourself like this is amazing.

I used to have a massive fear of failure when it came to talking to women, which of course manifested itself throughout my life, and I ended up afraid to talk to most women. Not exactly an ideal state for a 23 year old heterosexual man to be in. So when I started setting myself these daily comfort challenges I began small - I just had to say "Hi" to one random woman every day.

It sounds simple, and to be honest it was, but it gave me exactly what I needed. It forced me to confront my stupid fear and realise that talking to strangers was not hard. Nor scary. It was actually a whole lot fun. I ended up meeting some great people, having some fantastic conversations, and building up my confidence.

Enough rambling from me. Here are my top three comfort challenges that you can use to build your self confidence...

Comfort Challenge One: Talk to 5 Complete Strangers

Try starting conversations with several complete strangers every day. This is a great way to build confidence and hone your communication skills and the beauty is that it doesn't matter what you say because you will probably never see them again in your life.

Tips for talking to strangers:

• Start with people who get paid to be friendly (e.g. waiters, charity beggars etc)
• Talk to people forced into close quarter (e.g. elevators, trains, checkout lines)
• Keep it simple - you don't need to discuss the meaning of life with them, just say "hi"

Try it and see what kind of conversations you can generate. You never know, you may meet some very interesting people.

Comfort Challenge Two: Perform a Street Stunt

The street stunt is anything that is completely out of the ordinary and will cause most people to think you are crazy. Don't worry, it's really them that are crazy. ;)

Performing a street stunt takes little effort but it throws all current societal expectations out the window. Here are some good examples you can start with but don't be afraid to create your own:

• Dressing strangely (undies on the outside is always good)
• Lying down in the middle of the footpath
• Walking on your hands (I wish I could do this one)

The key to a good street stunt is to never acknowledge that anything strange occurred. When you are finished just go about your business as if nothing happened. If people comment or ask you about it just fob them off with a silly excuse like "Oh that? My doctor says I need to walk on my hands every hour to take the pressure off my feet".

Comfort Challenge Three: Get a Phone Number

This is taking the talking to strangers challenge to another level, and is also great for anyone struggling to connect with people of the opposite sex.

The challenge is simple - just get a phone number from someone you don't know. You don't have to like them, or actually want to call them, but you must find a stranger and get past the initial small talk stage to finish with their phone number. The phone number doesn't even have to be real, just get some numbers.

I only have one tip for getting a phone number - ask for it. Most people aren't expecting you to ask for their number and if you've had a small conversation beforehand you might be pleasantly surprised at just how willing they are to give out their digits. Or at least get rid of you by giving you a fake number.

If you still want a suggestion try something like this - "Hey I saw walking by and thought you looked amazing and I just had to come say hi…I've got something important I've got to get to right now but I'd love to catch up for a chat sometime...What's the best number to call you on?" Smooth right?

Confidence is the goal, nothing else matters

For all of the above challenges the specific actions taken and actual results are not what matters. The goal is to build your self confidence. It doesn't matter if you strike out 20 times on getting a phone number because the experience you get from it (and the realisation that only your own opinion of yourself matters) is worth much more than a single phone number will ever be.

There is no limit to what you can try with these personal challenges, but be sure to keep it all legal. I don't want to get a sudden influx of "I decided to run naked down the street and I got arrested" hate messages. Unless photos are included.

Get creative and set yourself some personal challenges that are fun but push your boundaries at the same time. Take a look at your life and figure out where you lack the most confidence and challenge yourself to get outside your comfort zone. You will be amazed at the impact it will have on your self confidence.

Image: Michal Marco

How to Build Self Confidence - Affirmations

"How did you build self confidence?" This question was asked of me recently when I was recounting my journey from a shy, quiet, and socially awkward boy to an outgoing, fun-loving, and confident man. It occurred to me that while I had figured out how to nurture my own self-confidence, others are struggling with theirs every day. I don't like this at all.

Everyone deserves to be self-confident and happy with themselves. You live with your perception of yourself 24/7 and it pervades every aspect of your life. If you are unhappy with yourself then it will manifest across your life - jobs that you hate, relationships that are no good for you, and friends that aren't very good friends.

The perception you choose for yourself, good or bad, is how you showcase yourself to the world. If you choose to showcase yourself as a loser then that is how the world will see you. How can you expect the world to treat you better than how you treat yourself?

With that in mind I decided to share my tricks for building self-confidence and becoming the person that you've always wanted to be. The first technique I recommend for building self confidence is to use positive affirmations.

Affirmations

These are the stock weapon for most players in the self-help, personal development, and motivational industries, and they are so prevalent for a reason - they work.

Most people like to use affirmations as a tool to remind themselves of the good and positive things in their life. While this certainly is a big part of affirmations it fails to address the need to foster the traits that you might not currently possess but wish to in the future.

Affirmations are about both of these - reminding yourself of your existing positive traits but also encouraging personal growth towards developing new behaviours.

Some quick tips for writing your own affirmations

• Target all aspects of yourself - physical, personality, relationships, leadership etc.
• They must be uplifting - you must finish reading them with a big smile on your face.
• Be ultra-positive, even if you don't 100% believe it at the time.
• No negative words, even if they are double negatives (e.g. "I am beautiful" is much better than "I am not ugly")
• Repeat them to yourself in the mirror - tell yourself how great you are.
• Read them to yourself every single day (preferably twice a day)

Unsure where to begin? Just pretend that you are a crazy groupie (your number-one fan) who is so ridiculously in love with you that they think that everything you do is awesome. Then start writing all the good things down with that completely biased point of view. The positive should start to flow soon enough.

Example affirmations from my past

But I cannot expect you to actually do this if I don't lead the way can I? So I dug through my old notebooks to find some of the early affirmations I wrote. Here are some samples:

• I am a sexy, smart, and funny man.
• I give myself permission to be the person I want to be.
• I am cool, calm, and confident. I am always in control.
• I am so talented that I can do ANYTHING I want to.
• I deserve great relationships and fantastic friends.
• My life is great!

Got the picture? Interestingly I read through those affirmations of mine and I realise two things - firstly; they are all second nature to me now which is great, but the biggest thing I notice is how my life has taken some new directions based on them. For example, as I began to develop my self-confidence and believe my own affirmations I met Sophie, a fantastic and wonderful woman who I fell in love with. I have no doubt that our relationship would not have been so successful had I not turned my self esteem around with affirmations.

Affirmations work so why not give it a go? Maybe you'll meet someone special too. ;)

Inertia, Momentum and Life

The world really is a wonderful place. Too bad most of us get stuck in boring, long-winded "careers" which don't provide much benefit other than to keep us from doing what we really want to. If this is something that resonates with you then it is quite possible that your life is suffering from a serious case of inertia and it is time to take action, find the life that you enjoy, and break out of that rut!

Inertia: Stuck in a Rut

Inertia is the basic physics principle that says an object will retain its state of motion or rest until a force is applied to alter that state. If something is stationary then it will remain that way until it is forced to move, and if something is moving it will continue moving until something forces it to stop.

This principle applies to non-physical objects too.

Our lives are subject to, and often ruled by, this principle of inertia. It is easy for us to get stuck in a rut, feeling unhappy with our current situation but also at a loss for how to change it. We become set to our routine, immersed in inertia, with nothing in sight that might force us to change direction.

This is a terrible way to live and it is not how our lives are supposed to be. Do you really think we are just supposed to keep running the same loop - work, eat, sleep, pay the bills, work, eat, sleep, watch TV - for the rest of our lives?

No! We are meant to be challenged regularly. We are meant to push ourselves to new limits - physically, mentally, and emotionally. We are meant to have new experiences, see new places, and learn new things.

To do this we need to utilise the positive flip-side of inertia to create change in our lives - the fact that once something is moving it becomes hard to stop it.

We need to learn how to apply enough force to shift our direction, to change our state, and start us on a new journey. We need to generate positive momentum.

Positive Momentum

Positive momentum is what we need to generate in order to build enough force to make dramatic changes in our life. The more stagnant your life has become, the more positive momentum will be needed to break free.

I prefix momentum with positive because we only want positive life changes and they only come from positive momentum. If you create negative momentum in your life then the resulting changes would be negative and you end up in a worse situation than you started with.

That highlights the awesome, but dangerous, power of momentum - once you start building it up it can be very hard to stop. Think of the snowflake that triggers the avalanche. It began small but it was enough to start moving a few other snowflakes around and soon enough a wall of snow is rolling down the mountain and nothing can stop it.

The same effect can be achieved in your life. If you make positive decisions and take positive action then the momentum will build and what started as small, barely noticeable changes will grow into large and significant life changes. You just need that one positive snowflake to start it.

Building positive momentum is not easy though, because at the start it can feel like you are facing an immovable wall of resistance. That is the inertia barrier and crossing it can be a daunting task. But it all starts with the first step.

Take The First Step

The first step in anything new is always the hardest. Especially so when that first step is the first of many trying to break out from the force of inertia.

"A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step" - Lao Tzu

The sheer weight of inertia pushing back can be too much for some people and they quickly lose their resolve and slip straight back into their rut thinking it is just too hard to make a change. It isn't!

The first step in any life-changing direction should be a time of pleasure. Take pride in the fact that you are making the change and recognise that you are just building up your positive momentum. Acknowledge that drastic changes do not happen overnight, but they will only happen because you take that first step.

Change Your Life

Life is a series of changes. Well, at least that is what it is supposed to be. Do not let yourself get caught up with negative inertia - stuck in a place that you really don't want to be.

Make a decision to take action. Only you have the power to create enough positive momentum in your life to make a change. Only you can force your life to take a new direction.

Start today - take a single step towards your dream and build your positive momentum.

Image: renjith krishnan

Listen To Your Body

It was a week before my trip to Europe for my brother's wedding and I was sitting in the doctor's room waiting for the verdict - I had noticed this strange intermittent burning pain in my abdomen for the past two weeks and I was beginning to get worried. But I was not prepared for what he said next: "There is nothing physiologically wrong with you. I think it's just stress."

I am a firm believer that many ailments and illnesses are manifestations of our stress and inner thought processes so the concept of stress being a cause for illness was not new. But was it possible for me? I hadn't been stressed for years!

Over the course of my life I have bounced between both ends of the spectrum of stress. I was a happy-go-lucky type kid who loved to be loud and have a good time. But I also put a lot pressure on myself. I expected great things of myself and often set absurd goals that I would then stress over.

This pattern continued for much of my life - a strange mix of being relaxed and confident in one situation and then stressed and over-the-top in the next - until I began my personal development journey in 2007. During this time I sorted a lot of my issues out and I became proud of who I was and what I could achieve. I stopped putting pressure on myself and just started enjoying life. I was happy.

So to be told by a doctor I was stressed was a big slap in the face.

A Lesson From Paleo: Pay Attention To Your Food

Looking back, I accepted the doctor's story of stress because it was easy. I was working in a very negative environment and I was organising my first overseas trip so it was easy to just say that I was stressed and maybe I was. But one thing that living a paleo lifestyle has helped me realise is that I need to listen to my own body and pay attention to what I am doing to it, both mentally and physically.

A perfect example occurred last Friday. Sophie and I decided to have a non-paleo dinner (that's right, I've managed to convince Sophie to go paleo too!) with some modern treats that we used to enjoy. We ate crumbed chicken breast with salad and finished with an after-dinner snack of some very smooth white chocolate. It was nice, if not a little sweet for my paleo-modified tastebuds. But then the headache came.

It happened two hours after dinner - a headache started slowly pounding behind my eyes and I immediately regretted the dinner had eaten. I do not get headaches very often but even so, in the past I would have shrugged it off as a just a random occurrence and continued on my merry way. Not anymore!

It wasn't a big leap to draw the conclusion that it was that sudden spike in carbs (mostly highly processed sugars) that had caused the headache but it was a big step forward for me.

My mind is now focused on everything I do to my body and is attuned to monitor the effects and adjust. This is something I have never done before and I like it.I never used to link my actions to what occurred in my body before, instead I generally accepted that things "just happened" in my body.

Migraines, eczema, stomach cramps, and asthma to name a few - I used to see these things as what I had to put up with, like these were failings of the body I was given for this life and there was nothing I could do about it. I was wrong.

Maybe some of the ailments in my life will always be there or perhaps I am predisposed to suffer things like asthma, or get a migraine once a year, or live with this poor excuse for red hair for the rest of my life. Maybe. But I now believe that I have a lot more control over these things than I ever used to.

Your Mental Diet Is Just As Important

It is not just the food we eat that can change our bodies, but our thoughts can too. Just like having a crap-laden meal of processed junk-food will leave your body feeling terrible so will a mental diet of negative thoughts, stress, and anxiety. These are negative energy sources and they are the equivalent of fast-food for our brain. They provide a short-term energy burst but have long-term negative side-effects.

Living a healthy and happy life requires a combination of eating well (I'm recommending paleo if you can't tell) and thinking well. The latter is often harder to achieve which is why I write so much about it.

Changing your thought pattern from negative to positive requires a lot of effort, self-awareness, and dedication but it can be done.

The good news is that once you start looking to make these positive changes then your will find that it snowballs from there. The first change is the hardest, but once you start you will find that momentum is on your side and things become easier. It's just a matter of taking those first few difficult steps.

For those looking to make any healthy change (diet, mental, or other) in in their life I recommend paying close attention to your actions, observing what you feed on (both physically and metaphorically), and listening to your body. Remember, it is never just doing something randomly - it is always responding to something you have already done.

Image: Suat Eman

Gambling Theory Mathematics for Life

I am a bit of a maths nerd and data geek, as well as wannabe professional gambler, and I have come to realise that there are many parallels between the mathematics of gambling theory and life. The basic theories that any serious punter uses to determine their gambling actions can similarly be applied to life. And just like how knowledge and skill can be the difference between winning and losing your wagers, they can also be the difference between a positive and negative life.

My Gambling Background

Before I delve into the mathematical theory of gambling I will share my experiences in gambling to give you a better understand of where I coming from.

Firstly, for many people the word gambling will have negative connotations. They associate it with problem gamblers who pour their hard-earned money into useless gambling games, often with no procedure in place, and generally end up in debt and cause massive problems in their lives. That's not me.

My gambling is not any riskier than stock trading, forex trading, or any other form of investment. What do these people do when making decisions? They gather data, analyse it, determine the likelihood of certain events occurring, and then invest their money accordingly. That is exactly what I do but for sports instead. The game is no different, in fact it is probably better because I actually know about sports, whereas I wouldn't know how to tell one stock from another.

But I am not here to discuss the pros and cons of gambling. I am just demonstrating that I actually know a fair bit about this stuff and I have had enough experience over the past few years to realise how closely related gambling theory is to my belief system for how to live life

Mathematical Expectation

The key concept to understand is mathematical expectation which, to put simply, is the amount that you can expect to win or lose per bet. It is easy to calculate - just multiply the each possible gain or loss by the probability of those outcomes and sum the results. Still confused? Let's look at a simple example: the coin toss.

If we were betting on an unbiased coin toss we could assume that the result would be 50% heads and 50% tails. If I were betting $1 each time for the possibility of winning an extra $1 if I was correct then the expectation of this situation would be calculated as:

(0.5 x 1) + (0.5 x -1) = 0

Therefore the expectation of this action is that I would break even over the long term. There is no advantage to either player. However, if you were feeling generous and decided to offer me a $2 win each time I was correct then my expectation for this event would be:

(0.5 x 2) + (0.5 x -1) = + 0.5

This is known as a positive expectation and if we were to play the game 100 times I could expect to win $50. The opposite of positive expectation is a negative expectation - where the long term result of the game is expected to result in a loss. In the coin toss example this would happen if I were wagering more than the payoff for winning. For example if I bet my $1 each time but was only winning $0.50 my expectation would be:

(0.5 x 0.5) + (0.5 x -1) = - 0.25

If I were to play this game 100 times I would expect to lose $25.

That is mathematical expectation at its simplest level. The three examples above illustrate what neutral, positive, and negative mathematical expectation looks like and how they work long-term.

How Mathematical Expectation Applies to Life

Hopefully you now understand the basics of mathematical expectation, the foundation of professional gambling, because it is actually applied everywhere in our lives. Just like every betting action has an expectation applied to it, so does every action in our life. Every decisions we make contributes to our overall expectation of life, which can be neutral, positive, or negative.

Just like the gambler who bets on an event with a negative expectation can expect to lose money long-term, you can expect a negative effect on your life over the long-term if you perform actions with negative expectations.

But what are negative expectation actions in life? I say it is anything that does not contribute positively to your life and the life of those around you. That is, anything negative.

Have you ever been rude, mean, or inconsiderate to someone? Or have you every spent your time stressing and worrying over small things? Or have you ever purposefully taken advantage of someone or something? These are examples of actions we perform in life that have a negative expectation. Our lives are poorer because of these negative actions and the long-term result is a negative and unhappy life.

Luckily positive actions have the opposite result. Any positive action you perform has a positive expectation for your life. By being kind, loving, and caring towards yourself and others you will develop a life with a positive expectation. A life where only positive outcomes are expected.

Perform Positive Expectation Actions Only

If you had to gamble for your life would you choose to place bets with a negative expectation? Would you choose these bets where you would expect to lose? No, you wouldn't but this is exactly what you do with your actions every day of your life.

Every negative thought and every negative action in your life brings with it a negative expectation. So why continue to be negative? Focus your energy on positive actions that yield a positive result for your life. Be kind, donate, listen, help, and above all love yourself and others.

Make a series of small positive actions and your life will become ultimately positive.

Image: Dan

Life is Not Fair (Great News!)

"Life is not fair!" This is a phrase commonly used by pessimists, the eternally negative, and the people who actually gain pleasure from thinking that the world is against them. And it's 100% true. Life really is not fair but guess what? That is great news!

Life Really Is Not Fair

If life was "fair" then everyone would have the exact same life. We would all work the same job, get paid the same amount, live in the same size house, drive the same car, and have the exact same chance at having fun. Zero.

Life is not designed to be fair for all and quite frankly it would suck if it was. If life was fair then what incentive would there be to try new things? Would you be motivated to start your own business and/or work 60 hours a week if you knew you were going to get the exact same reward as the guy who plays guitar and surfs all day? Hell no! (Not to mention the fact that if you were working 60 hours and some guy is not then that breaks the whole "fairness" rule anyway…)

In a world where everything was fair then education, skills, attitude, and experience would count for nothing because everyone would be rewarded the same. In fact society as we know it would cease to exist. No one would want to work in those high-stress jobs, no-one would be motivated to achieve more than the average, and science and technology advances would stop (or at least drop off significantly). Things are not meant to be fair and it is technically impossible anyway so its best if you start accepting that life is not fair. Besides that is actually a good thing.

When people cry about life not being fair they are doing so because on a deeper level they enjoy living with a "me vs the rest of the world" attitude. They like complaining about their situation and making it out like they have no control because it makes them feel like their life has been defined by some higher power. A higher power that they can blame, and people love being able to blame someone else.

But life is not like that. Life definitely is NOT fair but it is also not a zero-sum game. It is not a competition. When someone has some success in their life there is not an exact counter-balance of negativity for someone else. For you to make $1000 today, someone else does not have to first lose $1000. That is not how the world works. Your life, and its "fairness", is the sum of all YOUR actions and is not dependent on anyone else.

Find Success in Unfairness

Everyone can achieve success and happiness but only those that realise it is up them (and not pre-determined by god, fate, or any other belief system) will actually do it. These people are the ones that understand that, because life is not fair, they can stack the odds in their favour.

When you understand the positive implications of life being unfair you start to see the world in a new light. Instead of complaining about your situation, or comparing your lot in life to that of others, your mind begins to focus on creating scenarios that are in your favour. New opportunities are presented, ideas are developed, and the possibilities become almost endless.

So, next time you hear someone mutter those wonderful words - "life is not fair" - you should smile and remind yourself that it is completely and utterly true, but that it just means that you can rig life so that it is always working in your favour.

Life is not fair and that is great news!

Image: www.frkncngz.com

How to Visualise Success

I have written a few articles so far about how the brain works, how it tricks us, and how to use this to apply basic Positive Happiness thought principles to our lives. One of the key thought techniques commonly used by successful people is a form of mental rehearsal called visualisation. So it only makes sense for me to discuss how visualisation works and show you how to maximise the effectiveness of your positive visualisations. As mentioned in several previous articles, our brain is fantastic at performing tasks automatically. Anything that it deems as an easily repeatable task gets put onto "auto-pilot", including our thoughts.

This can cause some unwanted problems at times but it can also be used to our advantage to automate positive thought processes. We can essentially train our brain to automatically think and perform positive actions for us. Sounds great? well it is, and you can do it too with these simple tips for getting the most out of your visualisations.

What are visualisations?

Visualisations are just a form of mental rehearsal where we imagine how a certain situation will look and feel. We might imagine what people say, how they look, what actions we take, and so on. The point of visualisation is to mentally prepare ourselves so that we are confident and capable of handling the upcoming scenario. When we picture success enough we find success.

This is why we are focusing on positive visualisations. If you are going for a job interview you want to develop a visualisation where you are confident, smart, friendly, and you ace the interview. Or if you are playing an important sporting match you want to visualise yourself excelling physically and mentally and being victorious. Practice these visualisations enough and the positive results will start to occur.

Make visualisations intense

The more intense or realistic you can make your visualisations the more effective they will be. This is the main reason why some sportspeople thrive in pressure situations and others fail. They have all learned the basic skills and practiced them thousands of times, but only those who make the practice as realistic as possible (both mentally and physically) will succeed when under pressure.

Start Small

Just like learning to drive you need to break down overly complex actions and thoughts so that you can practice and visualise success at each step. Start by breaking your overall goal into smaller tasks that you can visualise success for. Perfect each individual visualisation before bringing them all together.

Practice, practice, practice

Practice all the possibilities that could arise and visualise how you would deal with them and succeed. Then do it all again. If it only takes the brain a few times to start automating a thought process do not give it a chance to think of anything but success. Keep repeating the positive visualiation until the brain has it on speed dial.

Every detail counts

Create a clear and detailed picture of the scenario in your mind. Include all the details you can think of - colours, fabrics, smells, weather, people. Adding these details will help your brain recognise the scenario when it occurs in real life and thus be able to apply the correct visualisation.

Experience the emotions

When you first begin a visualisation you may feel some fear or stress. Acknowledge that those feelings are fine because they are why you need to practice visualisation in the first place. As you get into the swing of things start focusing your mind on what emotions would be triggered as you see your success unfolding. What would the success feel like? How much would it mean to you to have that success? Start experiencing those positive emotions as if you had already been successful. Eventually your mind will expect those feelings whenever the situation presents itself.

Eventually if you perform positive visualisation enough then just by thinking about the situation you will trigger positive and successful thoughts patterns. You wont even have to remember to do it. And when that situation does finally present itself your brain will do it all automatically and you will naturally expect success because that is what you trained for.

Visualise success and the rest will follow.

Image: graur codrin

Proof Your Brain Is Tricking You

Our brain tricks us into believing whatever it wants us to believe. I have previously mentioned some fatal flaws of the brain but perhaps its biggest flaw the brain has is that when presented incomplete information it will fill in the missing spots with whatever information it assumes to be correct. Once our brain has filled in the missing information it pretends that all the information was presented from the external source instead of being hacked together by our brain. This is a problem for a number of reasons: Firstly, our brain might not fill the gaps correctly. It fills the gap with a "best guess" approach using information it already has. If the missing data is something our brain has never seen before then it will be impossible for it to correctly fill the gap.

Secondly, by pretending the whole picture of information came from an external our brain will give more weight to it and thus will believe it to be true. This means that the data supplied from our brain (correct or otherwise) is assumed to be true even though it was fabricated just to fit the gap.

With that in mind I thought I would share an example that proves that our brains are masters of filling gaps with information and assuming it to be correct. The first time I did this little test I blew my mind.

Exercise: Proof by Optical Illusion

This little optical illusion exercise will prove just how easy it is for your brain to trick you. We often hear about blind spots in our vision, or when driving a car, but did you know that we have a blind spot right in front of our eyes? When we have both eyes we do not notice because they are positioned on our face in such a way to maximise our viewing potential. However we an discover the blind spot very simply and, at the same time, prove how our brain deceives us by assuming it is always right.

Step 1: Get a bank piece of paper (A4 size works best) with nothing on it. Draw a filled circle in the centre of the page about 1cm wide (that's 1/2 inch for those non-metric people).

Step 2: Close your left eye

Step 3: Chose a spot on the paper about 5cm (2 inches) to the left of that centre dot. Hold the paper up to your face with the chosen spot in front of your right eye. You should still be able to see the drawn circle in your peripheral vision but you should not be focusing on it.

Step 4: Slowly move the paper away from your face, all the while focusing on the spot you picked to the left of the drawn circle. Eventually that circle you draw will just disappear from your vision - it will look like you are holding a plain blank piece of paper again!

What is Going on Here?

Even though your brain controlled your hands to draw the circle, and even though you KNOW that the circle is there, your brain has filled in your blind spot with a "best guess". It analysed the rest of the information coming in, which was predominately blank paper, and chose to fill the gap with what it thought was most likely. But whatever is most likely is not necessarily correct.

The Blind Spot in Action - Our Self Belief

This proves that our brain is not always right. Just because it tells us something is true does not make it so. There are countless examples for how this applies to our lives but the biggest (and worst) is with out negative self beliefs. When we doubt ourselves, or speak negative of our skills and actions, or stop loving ourselves, then we are providing an incomplete picture of our self-image to our brain. We are giving it the opportunity to take all these negative thoughts and try to figure out the patten to fill in all the missing gaps.

The result is obvious - our brain deduces that the gaps must be filled with self loathing, anger, resentment, and a whole range of other negative emotions. It fills all the gaps in our self-image with these, and then presumes them all to be correct. We end up with a grossly exaggerated negative self-image which we assume is correct. Self-fulfilling prophecy anyone?

Luckily this also works for positivity. If you start providing an incomplete picture of positive thoughts about yourself to your brain then it will start filling the gaps with positive emotions. Your self-image will become one of happiness, love, and positivity. And because we already know that our brain tries to prove itself right it will start manifesting scenarios in your life that will reinforce this belief.

So stop assuming all your negative beliefs are true and start providing some positive information to your brain. Your life will change because of it.

Image: Danilo Rizzuti

Grow Your Grass Greener Than The Other Side

This article has been inspired from a brilliant song lyric in a favourite Bliss n Eso song of mine called Reflections. I love the positivity with which they write many of their songs, and their attitude is a very similar one to mine - that anything is possible with determination and a positive mindset. A very refreshing message, especially within rap and hip-hop songs. Here is the lyric in question which has inspired this whole train of thought:

"We'll grow our grass greener than that other side will ever be."

It might seem fairly innocuous on the surface but the gravity of it really hits home when you start thinking a little deeper on it.

Most people will have heard the saying "the grass is always greener on the other side" which, to break it down simply, means that everything always looks better than what we currently have. This is a very negative view of the world and one that I cannot subscribe to. I do not care what is on the other side and I certainly do not have a desire to keep up with anyone called Jones, but that is a story for another time.

The lyric "We'll grow our grass greener than that other side will ever be" is the perfect summation of the attitude I adhere to and encourage in life.

Focus on Yourself

Can you control the fact that your neighbour has better grass? No, but you can work on your own grass to make it the best it can possibly be. By the way, in case you wondered when this blog turned to gardening and lawn-care, we're not really talking about grass here - we're talking about our how we live our lives in general.

There is no benefit to be had analysing and comparing yourself to others because they are outside your boundary of control. You cannot control what happens in the lives of others. You can try to influence them but in the long run they will ultimately think, feel, and act whichever way they want.

Realising that you cannot control others is an important step to achieving happiness because the result is that you put more value on your own actions rather than the actions of others. When you stop comparing yourself to others you can focus on being the absolute best that you can be. Not to mention all the energy and time you save that would have been wasted stressing about how green someone else's grass is.

Logically, The Grass Can Not Always Be Greener

If you still want to worry about the grass of others then let me appeal to your sense of logic. If the grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side then it makes sense for you to be envious of your neighbour's grass. However, from your neighbours perspective you are the other side and thus your grass must be greener than theirs. Rinse and repeat this process until your head spins.

There is no logical sense behind the statement that "the grass is always greener on the other side". It is just an excuse people use for their actions when they put too much focus on what other people have or do rather than the their own life.

The other illogical aspect of that silly statement is that whatever you have in your life is way more important that what others have in theirs. This is true simply because whatever is going on in your life is important within your personal frame of reference. Other people's lives are occurring within their own frame of reference (or their version of reality) and things that are important there are not necessarily important in yours.

Fertilizer, Fertilizer, Fertilizer!

To grow your own grass to the best that you can you need to fertilize it! In a metaphorical sense. I am definitely not encouraging you to bring more crap in to your life.

But to continue this grass growing metaphor the best thing you can do is to provide the best conditions for your grass to grow. That means that you need to focus on your own grass, nurture it, and encourage its growth.

Yes, I am still talking about how to live your life (and not about gardening). Take stock of your current life and be thankful for everything positive. Focus yourself on growing the best damn grass you can and forget about what is going on next door. If you still think that you absolutely must compare yourself to someone then use a past version of yourself. Compare how far you have traveled mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally and how much greener your grass has grown.

Remember it's your life so only your grass matters. Go make it green!

Image: nuttakit