Self Improvement is an Addictive Habit

If there were self-improvers anonymous meetings I would be a permanent attendee for I am addicted to personal development. Now that I have started down this path I find that I cannot help but push myself to achieve more and improve more. One of my main hobbies has become the act of continually seeking to improve my life and the lives of those around me. I have noticed that other serial self-improvers "suffer" the same consequences, perpetually improving their lives and achieving more and more success as they do so. Through this observation, and my own experience, I have made a simple conclusion: self improvement is an addictive habit.

Self Improvement is an addictive habit

Addictions are generally bad things. The word itself has a strong negative connotation and the usage generally implies a lack of control and self-awareness. But not all addictions are bad.

Positive things with positive outcomes can also be addictive. Productivity, achievement and success all trigger a "natural high", a mental state of supreme happiness, awareness, and confidence. Self improvement just happens to ticks all these boxes.

The result of self improvement is a positive increase in all the above areas and so much more. It creates a positive aura, one that attracts more positivity and success, and it stimulates our mind and body and encourages us to start operating at a higher level. This is what makes it so addictive.

A friend of mine actually inspired this article when we were talking about home improvement. Here is his direct quote, and proof that once you start improving something, your mind begins to open up to see other opportunities:

Installing a new wardrobe was a bad idea...I now want to do all the other stuff on my To Do list. I'd kind of forgotten about all the things, but now we've started I'm remembering them all and when I walk around the house now all I see is things that need improving.

The beauty of self improvement is that it is never ending. There is always something else that can be learned and adapted to our lives. There are always new experiences, new people, and new challenges presented in our lives, and this is the only dangerous aspect of being addicted to self improvement - it easy to forget that there is no specific end goal in mind and that the simple act of self improvement is what provides happiness. This is summed up perfectly in the oft-quoted line by Souza:

Happiness is the journey, not the destination.

So for those just starting down the self improvement path, be mindful that it is the actual deed of self improvement that provides us with the happiness - the feeling of adding to our skills and knowledge, of making ourselves a better person, and of achieving more success. Do not get too hung up on thinking about the future and where you are going, but rather on living (and improving) in the present moment.

Or You Could Stagnate...

The alternative to this wonderful addiction called self improvement is that of stagnating. By stagnating I mean making the decision (conscious or not) to stay exactly as you are right now.

If you are not willing to challenge yourself, to grow, and to improve then what are you doing? Are you saying there is nothing in your life that needs changing? Are you saying that you couldn't be happier?

If you can truly answer yes to those questions (and I highly doubt that you can) then I have one more question: is there nothing more that you can do in your life that could help improve the life of others?

Even if you had everything you ever wanted, if you really were living your perfect life, I believe that you could still find even more happiness simply by helping others. And isn't the ability to sacrifice and be charitable, just one of the results of self improvement? See what I did there?

There is never a valid reason to stagnate in your life but, sadly, I see this as the default stance more and more people are taking. They are "giving up" and just accepting a life of mediocrity, anger, and unhappiness instead of trying to make a change. It doesn't take much. All you need to do is actually make a start.

Start Improving Today

I know that self improvement is an addictive habit because I am experiencing it first hand, but for those first-timers, and those who are trying to break out of their habit of stagnation, it can feel almost impossible to start. But don't worry, it's not impossible. You just need to start small.

Try being grateful for one thing, or giving a fresh compliment to someone, every day. Try some positive affirmations before you leave the home or just focus on observing your own thought patterns and living in the moment. It doesn't matter what you do, just as long as you do something!

Once you start down the path of improvement it will become near impossible to stop. The first time you work on self improvement is like the first snowflake that causes the avalanche - pretty soon the desire to improve is raging and the amount of improvement you seek is like a torrent of snow tumbling down a mountain.

But unlike the snow avalanche, this metaphorical one is not destructive. It is actually quite the opposite. Imagine an avalanche that only removed rubbish, beautified the landscape, and made the mountain an even more amazing place than it already was. That is what the avalanche of self improvement does in your life - it is a constant force that pushes away the negativity and stimulates the development of positivity. All it needs is that one snowflake to start it off...

Go forth and seek out self improvement. Your happiness depends on it.

Image: vichie81

Addressing Anger

Recently I have been battling with some negativity in my life, particularly to do with a few specific people and their actions. This negativity was manifesting itself as anger, blurring my positive vision of the world and getting me worked up over things that I would normally class as little and insignificant. I let this anger infect my life. Just thinking about these people, or the latest "episode" of something annoying they had done and the anger would start again, even if I was at home spending time with my lovely wife. It was a terrible and unhealthy way to live and I had to do something about it. I had to address my anger.

What Value Does Anger Have In Your Life?

It's a simple question really. What value does anger have in your life? What is the overall gain of getting angry? What function does anger perform that is useful to your immediate survival and/or your long-term growth and development as a human being?

Hint: the correct answers are...none, none, and none. ;)

Do not fool yourself into thinking that anger plays an important role in your life.  Do not pretend that anger is a useful tool for expressing your emotions. Do not excuse your anger because it "makes you feel good to get angry". It doesn't work that way.

Anger is an uncontrolled outward manifestation of a negative internal state. It is the representation of all the negative emotions stored inside you. It is your disappointment, your fear, your procrastination, your high stress, your low self-esteem, your unpaid credit card bill, and your annoyance at your receding hairline. But that last one may just be me.

The point is that anger is not a valid or useful tool in our lives. It does not achieve anything positive. In fact, it makes things much worse by ignoring the real issues that are bothering us and instead just acts as a quick release valve - causing us to explode with anger when the pressure inside gets too much.

But, I hear you say, surely releasing that negative energy from inside us is a good thing? Technically yes, but not with anger. Releasing internal negative emotions through an outward negative action like anger just makes everything feel worse. Much worse.

For starters, allowing ourselves to get angry just as a form of release means that we are not addressing the real issues. We are not looking at why we feel that we need the negative release. We ignore the cause(s) of the negativity and jump straight to the outward release. If we never address the cause then the need to release will always be there making us reliant on the angry outburst just to make us feel even remotely happy.

This leads us to the second major problem with getting angry - not only have we ignored the actual negative causes in our lives but we also add more negativity into the mix by getting angry. We still have all the original issues to deal with and now we also have our anger and all the negative response that it generates. And anger always generates a negative response.

I used a quasi-metaphor previously saying that anger was like a quick release valve but in reality it is actually a two-way valve, releasing negativity in bursts, but also allowing negativity to flow inside. And guess what? That valve is set to let negativity in by default.

A sudden burst of anger can, and does, release some of the negative emotions from inside which is why people can misguidedly think it is good for them to do so. But when that burst has finished the valve switches back to its default direction and starts sucking negative energy inside. It becomes like a magnet for negative emotions, funneling them inside you until you feel ready to burst with anger again, resulting in a very vicious cycle.

Addressing Anger

The only benefit anger serves is that it is a tangible output of our internal negativity. It shows us quite clearly that something is not right in our lives. It is as if our mind is waving a big flag at us and yelling "Helloooooo...I am not happy!" Why would we ignore that?

Using anger as an indicator for change, rather than a primitive release mechanism, enables us to start tackling the real problems. It empowers us to take control of our lives and make the positive changes required to rid ourselves of anger forever.

The simplest way to do this, to successfully address and remove our anger, is to ask "why?"

In my recent situation I found that certain people, and their actions, were the triggers for my anger. These people were underhanded, deceitful fakers and they seemed to be always trying to make me look like a fool. For a while I let this get to me, building up the negativity inside me until my anger started bubbling out of me.

But then I asked myself two simple "why" questions and I changed my whole perspective:

1. Why would a person act in a such a negative and unkind way toward me?
2. Why am I letting such actions control my emotions?

With the answers to these questions came a complete 180 shift on the situation. I realised that these people were acting in this way because they were scared and/or intimidated by me. They saw me as a threat - a direct competitor who was going to steal their opportunities for success. The reality was that we were part of a team, working together towards the same goals, but obviously some people just aren't team players.

Managing to identify why these people had been acting this way was comforting, but I made the most progress when I asked the second question of myself: Why am I letting such actions control my emotions?

Answering this question took some deeper thinking but the result was worth it. I discovered that I was tying part of myself, and my identity, to being successful in this job. I had mistakenly made myself believe that my achievement and success as a person would be partly measured by achievement and success at the job. This is completely untrue but it is very easy to believe your identity is tied to a particular outcome and then get caught up in the emotions that occur when things don't go smoothly. Luckily I saw my anger as a warning.

Whilst I am constantly striving for more success, more achievement, and more personal growth in my life, deep down I believe that I am already a success.  I have already had some wonderful achievements in my life that I am proud of and I know that I have the skills, knowledge and power to keep improving myself, to keep challenging myself, and to keep achieving.

And that's all it took to address my anger and re-frame my thinking on the situation. Now, instead of feeling angry and an urge to compete with these negative people, I feel a little sorry for them. I now realise that they see the world as a zero-sum game and they believe that everyone else is competing directly with them. They are the kind of people that cry that life isn't fair and think that the only way to "win" is at the expense of others. This is a sad way to live.

The other positive I have taken from all this is that I have reminded myself of my true path in life. I am not defined by a job and I am not defined by the approval (or otherwise) from other people. I am defined by myself and what I do. I control my own destiny and no one else has the power to change that. For this reason I am happy for the challenges that have been presented recently and the resulting anger I felt, for it was this anger that has served as a reminder to me. A reminder to always be living for myself and doing what I love.

If you are experiencing anger in your life, stop and ask yourself "why?" What is causing your anger, what is your anger signaling to you, and what changes can you make that will address your anger?

Anger is a warning that you are not happy. Don't ignore it.

Image: Ian Kahn

How to View the Past, Future and Present

You can feel you heart beating faster, your palms sweating, and your breath shortening. No, you're not having a heart attack - you're just worrying. A drastic and life changing event has occurred and all you can do is replay it over and over in your head, each time falling into a deeper state of anxiety. You try to snap yourself out of it and think toward the future, but now your mind starts visualising countless versions of the future that have been negatively influenced by this one event. You're not worrying anymore - you're panicking. Your mind is jumping so quickly between replaying the event (somehow it seems worse each time) and fearing the future (which also somehow looks worse each time) that you're out of control. You literally have no control. You wander aimlessly, you miss your train stop, you bump into a stranger causing him to spill his coffee on you, and you step right into a puddle that you hope is just water. You're so focused on other things, on the other tenses in your life, that you do not pay attention to the present tense. You miss out on living because you are too worried about something else.

Apart from being annoyingly written in the second person did that story conjure up any emotions in you? Does it sound familiar? Perhaps a little too familiar? If so then you need to change how you view the past, future, and present tense in your life. The attitude of being attached to, and driven by, the past and the future is very detrimental. It causes stress, anxiety, and worry. In fact, this style of thinking is the cause of every negative emotion in your life.

Even if the above example was foreign to you, the chances are that you are still too focused on the past and the future, and not enough on living life to the fullest in the present.

The Past is for Learning, not Worrying

The biggest mistake people make when referring to the past is that they do so from a position of negativity - worrying and stressing over actions and events that cannot be changed. No matter what your past holds the simple fact is that you cannot do anything about it. You cannot edit out the bits you do not like or add in something new that you wish you had done, just like you cannot go back and change the historical events that have shaped humankind.

Revisiting the past over and over again is a form of masochism. It is basic self torture and it provides absolutely no benefit to your life.

When we look toward the past we see it through the lens of our current situation. We see it and judge it based on our current level of knowledge which is not fair to the past. The past occurred in a different time, a time when we thought differently, had less experiences, and had less knowledge. To take a major decision from our past and hold it up for analysis against our current thinking is saying that every time we make a decision we should first look into the future and see what the outcome will be of that decision and how we will judge it in the future beyond that.

I think it's safe for me to assume that no-one reading this article has the ability to look into the future. I'm happy to be proved wrong though. :)

So when looking at the past, we need a paradigm shift. We need to view it differently. The past is not meant to be judged, ridiculed, or regretted. It is not meant to be dwelt on, replaying events over in our mind and drudging up associated negative emotions. The past is simply not meant for worrying - it is meant for learning.

The past is only useful when we can learn something from it.

We can look back at past events -  the electric car, the moon landing, or the time you cut your hair into a Mohawk and dyed it green - and we can learn from them. Maybe these were great ideas, or maybe not. Either way, we cannot change them but we can learn from them. The next time someone dares you to get a crazy haircut you can weigh it up using the lessons learned from your past experiences. That is what the past is for.

If you got up every day regretting that silly green Mohawk then you are not learning from it – you are torturing yourself for no reason. Once you have learned the lesson then there is no other benefit that looking to the past can provide and it is time to move on.

The green Mohawk is an obviously silly example but I did it that way to illustrate a point: we cannot change anything in our past, no matter how small and inconsequential, like a silly haircut. But we also cannot change it no matter how large and life-altering the event was. All we can do is learn from it and use that knowledge to grow and shape our lives for the future.

The Future is for Planning, not Worrying

Onto the next biggest focal point for worry and stress in our lives - the future.

The future, by its very nature, is unknown. It is the future. It is magical, it is forever changing, and it is uncontrollable. No matter how much you think (and worry) about the future the simple fact of the matter is that you cannot control it and it will probably not turn out the way you think. In fact, I guarantee that it wont. And the bigger the future event that you are worrying about is, and the longer into the future that it is, the less likely that it will turn out even remotely like you expected.

The future we worry about is just a state of imagination that exists in our mind. The real future is just the result of all the individual actions that occur from now up until that moment, at which point it stops being the future and becomes the present for one brief second until it passes and then it is just another part of our past.

We cannot predict what happens tomorrow, next week, or next month. Worrying about these future tenses of our life is pointless because it is guaranteed that things will change between now and then. If you were asked "where you will be and what will you be doing in 5 years?" do you really think that you would get it 100% correct? Do you really think that in 5 years time everything would have occurred exactly as you intended?

The future is not for worrying, but for planning. And only loose planning at that.

Your life will never happen as you plan it and that is great news because what a boring life that would be. A life where everything happens exactly as planned is an unhappy life. The reason for this is that you NEVER have the knowledge, skills, or experience to plan exactly what you want for the rest of your life. What you think you will want in 10, 20, or 30 years will be very different to what you actually want when you get there.

Planning for the future is just a means of preparation. A plan is not an exact execution but rather simple preparedness for a predefined list of possibilities.

Setting goals is the best method of planning for the future. Our goals are used as guiding principles in our lives and they shape our actions. By considering all the options and setting our goals we define the direction in which we want to travel, and we can use this knowledge to guide all of our decisions and actions in the present.

The Present is for Living, not Worrying

The present tense - the moment in which we have the most control, the moment in which we can define our life, and the moment that we waste worrying about every other part of our life.

Worrying is wasteful, especially when done in the present. Each moment you spend worrying and stressing in the present is preventing you from living your life. You miss out on actually experiencing and enjoying life, and instead spend it filled with negative emotions.

In the present you still only have control over your own actions, thoughts and decisions. Everything else is outside your control and is superfluous to you living a happy and enjoyable life. If you cannot change it then why worry about it? Instead of taking a negative viewpoint and worrying about the present, focus your mind on what is in your control. Focus on living.

Living means being in the moment, paying close attention to what is happening all around you but more importantly what is happening inside you. Listen to that internal voice that tells you what to do, acknowledge your feelings and what causes them, and observe how you respond to all external stimuli.

Doing this brings your mind into the present. It focuses your attention on what is occurring around you right now and how it affects you. Being cognisant of this creates an amazing sense of self awareness and control in your life. It allows you to dictate the terms that shape your life and experience a truly happy and fulfilled life.

By creating this positive energy and laser-like focus on the present you can achieve much more in your life. You can make conscious decisions that use your past experiences and future plans as motivators, but always stay focused on the present moment. This is one of the key secrets to being happy in life.

How do you view the past, future, and present?

Images: graur razvan ionut

Attitude is Everything

He has the energy of 20 year old and the looks of a 40 year old, but is actually 60. Everywhere he goes people are won over with his down-to-earth charm, no-fuss style, and the sheer exuberance with which he tackles life. Everyone likes him. No, everyone loves him. In his earlier years he surfed and rode motocross bikes for a living before transitioning into a business career where he quickly established himself as a leader – running his own software company and eventually becoming CIO for a local mining company.

His personal life has the same successful theme - happily married for nearly 30 years with two adult children who, from all accounts, are top of their class both mentally and physically.

It’s fair to say that this man has had a very successful life. It's a life that many people dream of, and strive for, and he has a pretty simple motto which has underpinned everything he has ever done:

"Attitude is everything."

Attitude is Everything

This form of thinking says that our attitude is a critical component of our lives – our attitude dictates and controls our lives, influencing how we see and interact with the surrounding world.

When we have a good attitude, our lives are filled with happiness. Good things happen to good people, and great things happen to good people with great attitudes. Similarly, bad attitudes attract bad outcomes. Negative thoughts manifest themselves as negative actions which cause negative results. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.

By making a conscious decision about our everyday attitude we can define the happiness in our lives. We can define the quality of the life we live just by choosing to have a better attitude. Happiness occurs by choice not by accident.

Attitude for Friends

Friends are an important part of our lives. They listen to us, support us, and encourage us. At least that’s what they should do.

The quality of friends we have in our lives is a direct result of our attitude. That is, we attract certain types of people to be friends with based on our attitude. If we have a positive attitude then we attract positive friends. Likewise, a negative attitude attracts negative friends.

For example, previously in my life when I had a negative outlook and a low self esteem, I found it very hard to connect with people and establish good friendships. Fast forward a few years, and armed with my extremely happy and positive attitude toward life, I now have an amazingly close group of fantastic friends. They are all great people with wonderful attitudes and I love spending time with them.

In friendship, attitude is everything.

Attitude for Love

Just like finding friends, finding love is heavily influenced by our attitude. A positive attitude will foster relationships built on happiness, fun, passion, and love but a negative attitude will create relationships filled with mistrust, anger, resentment, jealousy, and depression. Or no relationships at all.

Before I met Sophie I had endured some bad relationships. I had been cheated on, manipulated, and taken for granted. Don't get me wrong, these relationships also had some great times but overall I'd say my experiences in the world of love were quite negative. But then I changed my attitude. I decided to love myself instead of hating myself for these relationships and my whole world shifted. I started believing that I deserved a great relationship with a beautiful, intelligent, and funny woman and...well it's pretty obvious how that turned out. ;)

In love, attitude is everything.

Attitude for Work

If ever there was a place in our lives that needs an attitude boost it is at our work. Most people I've met do not enjoy their job. They are not following their passion but merely working a boring job just to pay the bills and get by in life. Instead of turning up to work with a smile and a positive attitude, these people turn up armed with a sarcastic tone, angry scowl, and a negative attitude.

The result is that work becomes a festering hole of negativity. Just thinking of the building itself conjures up strong feelings of hate and despair, and don't even start on the people you have to work with...this is definitely the wrong attitude for work.

Early in my working life I was in one of these jobs and I hated it! The work was boring (and massively under utilising me), the people were mostly incompetent and negative, and I had a daily struggle to hold back my urge to slap people around me. But then I changed my attitude. I accepted that the job was a shitty one but instead of hating it I focused on the skills I had gained, looking toward the future and what sort of work I wanted to do. I set some goals, crafted my CV, and got myself out of there. Now, less than two years later I've doubled my salary, tripled my experience, met some wonderful people, and have a pretty good job that I enjoy (and actually working for the guy from the intro).

In work, attitude is everything.

I could go on but the point has been made. In life, attitude really is everything. It shapes who we are, who we meet, and what we do in our lives. It can hold you back and prevent you from being successful or it can give you wings and open up your life to endless possibilities. The choice is yours.

Live Life Like an Improv Class

Have you ever watched a comedy improvisation (improv) show and been amazed at how quick, funny, and intelligent the players are? Do you find yourself laughing at the outrageous situations that occur and being amazed at how the actors just take everything in their stride, greeting each new plot twist with a smile? It’s a brilliant illustration of how we should face life – smiling, accepting all challenges, and ready to have fun. We need to live life like an improv class!

The Golden Rule of Improv: “Yes, and...”

There are many different views on what techniques make up the best comedy improvisation but there is always a common rule that all improvisation gurus follow: “Yes, and...”

It’s a simple maxim but it has become the golden rule of improv because it aptly describes the attitude needed to succeed in comedy improv and, dare I say it, life in general.

No is a Bad word

In the world of improv “no” is a bad word. When creating a fictitious scene on stage the word “no” breaks the mirage of the show. The beauty of improv is that it engages the audience and encourages them to use their imagination to supplement the scene. When someone says “no” it severs any audience connection that had previously been established and runs the scene into quick (and very boring) dead end.

Let’s look at an example with two people on stage:

Person A: I’m here to report a crime. Are you in charge? Person B: No, I’m the secretary. Person A: Oh...Do you know who I can talk to? Person B: No, I just make the coffee around here.

As you can see this scene has quickly become a bore. The initial line established the scene as crime-related, and most likely set in police station. We (the audience) start expecting interesting action within this context but then Person B chimes in with a “no” and ruins it. Now the scene is broken. The expectation is lost, the connection is lost, and it’s certainly not very funny.

The same theory can be applied to life. A flat out “no” ruins the scene containing your life. It breaks the connection and flow of any social interactions you had established and runs your life into a boring dead end.

Yes Opens Up Possibilities

Using “yes” on the other hand opens up possibilities in your life. It provides you with the opportunity to experience new things, meet new people, and stop being a cranky old hermit whose only friends are the 29 cats you live with.

Let’s look at that previous example and twist it around using “Yes, and...” instead:

Person A: I’m here to report a crime. Are you in charge? Person B: Yes I am. I’m also the secretary, mechanic, and I was recently runner up for the sexiest policeman award. Person A: Wow...with that face? You must have had to bribe the judges Person B: I tried, but the judge was my grandma and she said she wouldn't vote for me no matter how many ribbons I had in my hair.

Now it’s a whole lot better. Both participants are accepting whatever the other person says (no matter how silly) and are building on top of it. The result is a quirky, funny, and  entertaining scene that has opened up some fantastic possibilities for plot direction, even if most of them are absurd.

Accept and Negotiate

The beauty of the “Yes, and...” statement is that you have to accept the current situation but also get to negotiate and put your own spin on it. In improv this creates a unique and interesting story because each actor contributes with their own style. In life the effect is the same.

If someone presents a situation that you would normally reject outright, consider how you could accept and negotiate instead. Perhaps you could counter with an idea that includes some of your interests – a compromise!

Re-read the fixed improv example above. Person A sets the scene in the police station which Person B takes but twists into a discussion about his recent beauty pageant experience. Person A doesn't try to revisit the crime-related idea because that would be breaking the golden rule. Instead Person A just accepts the new thread of discussion and adapts it with some humour. And so on until the audience is all laughed out. It's just accepting and negotiating - an important lesson for life.

Applications to Everyday Life

For example, the other day my wife asked me if I wanted to go to the theatre. I’m not much of a theatre kind of guy (unless it's a comedy show) so my first thought was “no”. But, my wife (who is a fan of the all singing, all dancing kind of show) would then miss out on something she loves so I only had one option: live life like an improv class!

Rather than rejecting the idea I decided to accept it and then propose that she would come to a cricket match with me - something she’s not been too keen on.  Now we both get to gain new experiences whilst also doing something that makes the other person happy. Now we're both very excited about the prospect of sharing the things we love with each other and that is going to make those experiences even more special.

Everything mentioned in this article is applicable to everyday life. The theories and lessons of improv hold true for almost every conceivable situation in your life. Why? Because life does not follow a script. Life is one big improv class and you either say yes and enjoy the ride or say no and watch the fun unfold from the sidelines. I know which one I prefer.

Practice Selflessness

Having been involved in planning a wedding for the better part of the last year I have seen many emotional, and sometimes dramatic, scenes involving the interaction of different people. Most of these have provided great food for thought and have given me an insight into the psychology of people and how they interact with others. One thing I noticed throughout this time is that most people don't know how to be selfless. People like to think they are (or at least that they can be) selfless but in reality this is far from true. I am not being overly critical here but just realising that being selfless, and putting others ahead of yourself is actually a very hard thing to do.

We are all individual beings and deep down we all are trying to do what is best for ourselves. In an evolutionary/survival frame of mind this makes a lot of sense but in our modern society where we exist as part of a large community group, and do not have direct competition for resources to survive, we need to be able to think about others. We need to practice selflessness.

I say practice because the skill of selflessness does not come naturally. Most people find selfishness much easier than selflessness. It's natural. But that doesn't mean it's always the best choice.

Selflessness

Most dictionaries will define selflessness something along the lines of:

The act of sacrificing personal interest for the good of others

Which basically means that you put other people's interest ahead of your own. That's a pretty neat idea in theory but not so easy to apply contextually. Being selfless is a very easy thing to say you do, but a very hard thing to actually do because it requires that you master yourself first.

Selflessness is About Mastering Yourself

Proper selflessness involves a great deal of self awareness, self control, and self confidence:

• If you are not aware of your internal drivers and why you act the way you do then you will not achieve selflessness
• If you are not in control of your own thoughts, actions, and words then you will not achieve selflessness
• If you are not confident and happy with the person you are then you will not achieve selflessness.

To achieve selflessness you need to master yourself first. Sometimes the immediate happiness of someone else is more important than your own needs, sometimes you are not the most important person in the room, and sometimes people don't care about you or your opinion. Because some moments in life just require you to be there and be happy for others. Life isn't always just about you.

Why You Should Practice Selflessness

There are many good reasons for why you should practice selflessness in your daily life. The most obvious is what some people like to call karma, which is just another way of saying that like attracts like.

Selflessness is a good deed and good deeds are always returned in kind. When you sacrifice yourself others will notice. They will see your actions as loving, caring, and considerate and they will strive to return the favour. When you are having a bad day or struggling through a difficult moment in life these people will be there to help you because they know you would do the same for them. In fact they've already seen you do it and they will make sure you are never left to fight on your own.

But getting this good "return on your investment" is not the best thing about being selfless. The best possible outcome of selflessness is the one you feel inside yourself. There have been countless scientific studies and papers that focus on the internal effects of helping others. Every time this research concludes with the same result - we feel happier, more excited, and enjoy life more when we help others.

If that isn't enough to convince you then maybe this quote from Tony Robbins will be the icing on the cake:

Only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life's deepest joy: true fulfillment.

It's time to start being selfless. Today!

The Dreaded C-Word

There is one little word that is in such common use across english speaking countries that people seem to have forgotten the power it has over us. This word drips with negativity. It restricts us, suffocates us, and holds us back from achieving our goals. It is one of the worst words you can use in your life. I'm talking about the dreaded c-word. The word is "can't" (or cannot) and it is a disgusting word to use, especially in relation to yourself.

The Negative "Can't" (The positive can!)

The number one reason that using the dreaded c-word is bad for you is what it does to your brain. It shuts it off from even trying to help you.

If you say that you cannot do something then your brain will just agree with you and switch off. The brain is very powerful but ultimately flawed - if it thinks something has already been proven then it wont waste any effort on it and will move on, leaving you to feel assured that you really cannot do whatever you are talking about.

If an opportunity did present itself where you could possibly do whatever it is you've said you cannot, then guess what the brain does? It ignores it, or even worse it creates powerful negative emotions such as fear, anger, and stress to prevent you from even trying.

After all, the brain knows (because you told it) that you can't do it so it's in your best interest for it to prevent you from making a fool of yourself, right?

Sadly, this means that you miss out on all those awesome chances to do something new. You miss out on doing, and achieving, wonderful things simply because you (and your brain) gave up before you even started.

Solution: Replace "I can't..." with "How can I..."

The solution is simple. Get rid of "can't" from your vocabulary. Every time you catch yourself using this word stop and start the sentence again, this time replacing "I'can't..." with "How can I..." to turn it from a negatively limiting statement into a positively stimulating question.

Examples:

• "I can't afford to buy a new TV" becomes "How can I afford to buy a new TV?"
• "I can't get a girl/guy to like me" becomes "How can I get a girl/guy to like me?"
• "I can't become supreme ruler of the universe" becomes "How can I become supreme ruler of the universe?"

I think you get the idea. Just reading those examples your brain should have "clicked" into gear and started thinking about the options. Ok, so maybe being supreme ruler of the universe isn't for everyone but I bet your brain started actually thinking about it before you could stop yourself.

That's the beauty of this simple trick. By asking your brain to focus on providing answers for how you can rather than providing examples of why you can't you will find yourself opening up to ideas and solutions that would have otherwise been automatically discarded.

Try it yourself. Next time you use the dreaded c-word stop and reframe that negative statement into a positive question. You might be surprised at the answers you get.

Tommy Franklin: The Right Attitude to Life

Over the Christmas and New Year holiday period I spent a fair bit of my time in Sydney, hanging out with some family members. It was a fun, relaxing, and immensely enjoyable time and I came home feeling very happy and positive from the experience. That's what happens when you spend time with quality people. But I'm not writing about that today. This article is about a guy my brother told me to check out on youtube. A guy who has seen a lot bad stuff and had a lot of negativity in his life. A guy who was heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol, and was spiralling out of control until he nearly died when he was run down by a car. This article is about Tommy Franklin.

Tommy Franklin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFM4FhAJRYE

Tommy Franklin. The man who just pops in his iPod and busts out dance moves in public, grooving his way through the streets and making people smile. He doesn't care what others think about him - he just loves to dance and express himself. It makes him happy so he does it.

I recommended that everyone watches the Tommy Franklin Story (video below). You will be amazed. He is a calm, well spoken, lovely man who is just doing what makes him happy. He's not crazy - he's just likes to dance and smile and is not afraid to show it.

The Tommy Franklin Story

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPj9aVBdCmA

We could all take a leaf out of Tommy's book and start thinking less about how others see us and more about finding and doing what actually makes us happy.

Image courtesy of TommyFranklin.net